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Perfectionism and Self-Confidence
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Amy seems like a self-confident girl. She runs a business from home, and raises her young son on her own. Though she dates and spends time with friends, she makes sure her sitters are skilled and she isn't gone too late. From an outward perspective, Amy looks as though she's got her ducks in a row. Anyone who talks to her for long gets a very different impression.
Why?
Perfectionism. Amy takes note of her positives, but has a hard time seeing acknowledging where she could improve. She avoids possibilities to avoid failures. It's a habit which is having a serious effect on her quality of life, her son's life, and her small business.
For more than a year, Amy has been discussion a distribution deal with two national buyers. Because she cannot fathom failure, she conveniently avoids setting these meetings up. She cannot improve her life, and consequently is stuck feeling unsuccessful.
Instead of being down on herself, she notes her abilities and avoids the rest. For someone like Amy the tiniest baby steps imaginable are needed in the directions she needs to go. Perfectionists excel at many areas of their lives. It's the ones they don't pay attention to that are the struggle.
What Do You Want?
Even perfectionists have dreams. Amy wants to own a home with a fenced-in yard her son can play in. In order to do that, she'll need to sell much more or qualify for a mortgage. Unfortunately her ex-husband ruined her credit just before he took off.
It's easy for her to say, "My business is already great, and my credit isn't my fault. I can't improve my situation." This is where Amy needs to use her dreams to fuel her motivation ... and boost her self-confidence.
Risking failure for a dream, particularly one that benefits those around you, is a worthy quest for any perfectionist. Making the decision to take on the challenge already lends them self-confidence.
Perfectionists and overachievers have a significant benefit over other people struggling with these issues. Once they begin a project, it takes a tremendous amount for them to let go. Once Amy takes the first step toward improvement, she's almost guaranteed to reach her goal.
Shake Perfectionism for the Sake of Self-Confidence
Perfectionism relies on a person avoiding areas in which they need improvement. You're likely to hear them say, "I'm not perfect, but," while talking about the actions of other people. Clearly their goal is to be beyond criticism. That never happens. In fact, it stunts your potential.
Self-confident people realize the need to improve is the key to an enjoyable life. No guilt. No fear. No self-criticism. As perfectionists take the beginning steps to improve one thing, they slowly will build their sense of confidence. As their lives become more enjoyable they will see the need to take risks. They - more than anyone - will appreciate the knowledge gained through mistakes.
Perfectionist Partners
Ironically, those people who aren't so perfect can spot a problem a mile away. If you are teamed up in a relationship or business venture with someone consumed with quality, your self-confidence may also be taking a hit. You learn early on you've got to set boundaries.
Don't be a venting board for the mistakes your partner sees in life. The constant criticism will force you to doubt how the person really feels about you.
Make your own decisions. Emotionally it may hurt your friend to see you try and fail, but it's important for you to build confidence. Let them know you appreciate their ideas, but you need to do some things on your own.
Demand respect. "I told you so," is an ugly thing to say, and it's even worse to hear. The people close to you should be able to congratulate you on a job well done and encourage you to try again, not brag about how if they had tried, they would have succeeded. Make sure your perfectionist partner knows you need their support, and be sure to point out when you aren't getting it.
Whether you are the perfectionist or you’re just close to one, this mindset can wreak havoc on your self-confidence. Focus on actions driven by dreams, and break tasks into smaller pieces to boos positive, realistic improvement in your life.
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