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Marcus Aurelius cautions us,
"The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your
thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you
entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable
nature."
 Inner peace greatly comes from having love and compassion
in our life. The more we feel loved and the more we care for the
happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. We
have peace of mind if we do not have enemies. This helps remove our
fears and insecurities, and gives us the strength to cope with any
obstacles we may encounter.
As long as we live in this world,
we are bound to encounter problems. After all, the world is not
"perfect." If we just stop to demand or expect things to be perfect,
then being happy may become easier. If, at times, we lose hope
and become discouraged, we should remember that there is an
opportunity present in the problem. We only have to search for
it.
Being realistic increases our capacity to
overcome troubles. With this kind of attitude, each new
obstacle can be seen as another opportunity for improvement. Let us
cite one example: Two men have just lost their jobs. Instead of
feeling sorry for himself, Mr. A. decides to take it as an
opportunity to explore new things and find a better job. Mr. B.,
also facing the same circumstances, decides to jump off a
twenty-storey building to end it all!
Here we see how two
persons react differently under the same situation. It only means
that only we can decide on how to react to every event that happens
in our lives. Being happy is not always easy. It can be one of
the greatest challenges we have to face in life, since it requires
all the determination, persistence, and self-discipline that we can
gather. It also takes a lot of maturity to be able to take
responsibility in choosing to focus on what we have, rather than on
what we do not have.
As long as we impractically yearn for
much more than what we have, in terms of wealth or luxury, we will
be unhappy. This is different from having a passion or desire and
being motivated to reach it, wherein we are excited or thrilled in
our journey to attain it.
Some people feel they don't
have enough. How much is enough?
For most of us, enough is a
little more than what we have. We often get envious of what our
richer neighbors have. Sometimes, we fail to realize how lucky we
are, compared to those who are less fortunate. An increase in wealth
does not guarantee happiness.
It's obvious that happiness
does not come from material things that we focus on everyday. To
discover the secret to achieving contentment and happiness is to
know how to enjoy what you have and manage the desire for things
currently beyond our reach.
How to Achieve
Happiness in Unfortunate
Situations
Certain situations present big
challenges for us. These are situations when most people have
difficulty in finding joy and happiness. These situations include
loss and grief, trials in life, troubled relationships, solitary
life, and old age. Can we really find happiness in
these?
Happiness
During Times of Loss or Grief
Indeed, one of the
most painful things in life is losing a loved one. Most, if not all,
would rather avoid going through it. Losing a job or a relationship
cannot be more painful than losing someone we love. The loss of a
loved one is indeed a source of unhappiness and can result to a
range of emotions that include sadness, grief, and
uncertainty.
 As
these feelings sink in, harsh realities would confront the
survivors. Death in the family can be emotionally draining. It can
also put a strain on savings and finances especially if the deceased
had a protracted bout with a fatal disease. Piled up hospital bills,
doctors' fees, and skyrocketing cost of medication and funeral
expenses could easily upset a family's financial
standing.
Death in the family also entails major adjustments
and adaptation in roles and in daily activities. It is a
life-changing event that requires the bereaved to pick up the pieces
and go on with life. Dealing with loss and grief could be very
trying indeed. To overcome grief, we have to find ways that will
best work for us.
1. Realize that time heals all wounds. It
may take sometime before the pain goes away; but eventually, it will
subside.
2. Express and share grief. Talking to
someone, a friend or a loved one, is one of the proven strategies
for coping up with grief. In releasing our emotions, we are actually
unloading the excessive burden we may be harboring inside
us.
3. Accept the fact that death is inevitable. However
painful it is, we must face the truth that everyone must die some
day. No one is exempt from it.
4. Move on. Grieving is
a natural reaction to death of a loved one. In fact, the grieving
process is necessary in order to release the pain and hurt we feel
inside. However, we cannot just focus on our loss and shut
everything out. We must learn to count our blessings and try to move
on with our lives.
5. Gain a new perspective. From a human
point of view, a person may feel guilty from that loss. He may think
that he could have done more to prevent the loss. On the other hand,
if we will just look at things from a divine perspective, we would
realize that everything happens for a reason. Death may be a respite
for a relative who has suffered long enough from an incurable
disease. Death finally puts an end to unbearable pain and sufferings
brought about by an illness.
6. Consider seeking
professional help. Doctors may prescribe some form of
antidepressants, especially if the state of grief is prolonged and
unrelenting.
Happiness During
Trials
Life is full of trials. For every trial that
we go through in life, our faith, patience, and strength are tested.
We may encounter some hardships, but we can always choose to fight
challenges and face it with hope and conviction.
Trials
are part of life. We simply cannot evade them; but if handled well,
they can strengthen us, build our character, and strengthen our
faith. Therefore, we should try to face them as courageously as we
can. We should never give up or lose hope when nothing seems right.
As with all other barriers to happiness, we must do everything
possible to overcome trials that come our way.
Happiness Amidst Troubled
Relationships
 Relationship gone sour is
another cause of unhappiness. Problematic marital and family
relationships impinge on our ability to enjoy almost anything.
Individual differences and lack of communication and quality time
together are some of the identified causes of relationship
break-ups. However, the following are ways to patch things up and
improve relationships:
1. Find a place where both parties can
be alone and have a conversation. This way, both parties can discuss
things without interruptions and distractions like TV or radio.
Agree that the conversation will focus only on the issues concerned.
2. Refrain from verbal outbursts. Refrain from yelling or
the civil conversation will lead to a shouting bout! Do not
interrupt while the other person is talking. We must allow the other
person to finish his or her piece before we give ours.
3.
Avoid labeling or calling names. Personal attacks will only worsen
the situation. We must be extremely careful with what we say. Do
away with words that may hurt or put the other party down.
4.
Discuss the problem rationally. We must learn to negotiate and
compromise on things we want from one another.
5. Focus
on re-building the relationship. This is especially true for married
couples. Spend quality time together. Find time to do something
together – like activities or sports.
6. We must let
them know what we want or expect from them. In doing this, we must
not demand our partner to change in order to meet our expectations.
Focus on the other party's positive qualities rather than the
negatives.
7. Give and graciously receive adequate
support. This will help the relationship to survive and
flourish.
8. Consider all possible options before
deciding on one solution to the problem. However, never consider
separation or divorce as an option.
9. Learn to forgive and
forget. Give the relationship another chance.
Happiness While Living a
Solitary Life
Leading a solo life can be very
lonely. It is important to have someone to talk and relate to. It is
always nice to have someone lending an ear to what we have to say.
Unhappiness stems from not being able to share happenings in our
life with others. In this case, we should keep in close touch with
relatives and a small circle of friends and be prepared to give and
receive love and support.
Robert Louis Stevenson
advises people living alone to have many interests. This will enable
us to meet new people. Furthermore, he tells people to keep busy at
something, "A busy person never has time to be unhappy."
In addition, the following tips can be
considered:
1. Flex the mental muscles. To avoid stagnation,
we can attend seminars on different subjects.
2. Travel and
seek new places. We should go out and travel to places we have never
seen before. If we can afford it, we can take regular holidays in
different countries and savor different cultures. One fascinating
country is Bhutan. This remote Himalayan kingdom earned the
distinction of being "the only country in the world which puts
happiness at the heart of government policy."
3. Be
adventurous. We can do something we have never done before, like
visiting a particular art gallery or going to a ballet or pick new
books. This will make our lives interesting and exciting.
4.
Invest in relationships. Surrounding ourselves with supportive
family and friends is one step leading to happiness. Understanding
this encourages us to invest our time and energy in developing,
enhancing, and maintaining close friendships and many acquaintances.
Happiness in Old
Age
Some people lose their will to live when they
start to see and feel the first signs of aging. They think they can
no longer do the things they used to do when they were younger. Like
all others previously discussed, this negative thought is all in the
mind. To make our mature years happy and productive, consider the
following tips:
 1.
Maintain a positive attitude. An elderly person who maintains a
positive attitude in life is more likely to cope up with any
physical difficulty or limitation related to aging. Be productive
members of society. Have a purpose in life - a reason to live! Stop
entertaining negative thoughts such as "I'm already old, I only have
a few years to live"; "I'm old that's why I'm sickly",
etc.
2. Stay active and eat well. Instead of sitting
around waiting to die, make the remaining years fruitful and
rewarding by developing a hobby, traveling, or simply doing
worthwhile activities. It has been estimated that 90% of age-related
diseases are in fact, largely attributable to poor nutrition and
lack of exercise. Therefore, maintaining a healthy body through
exercise and nutrition is the best way to always be "alive and
kicking".
3. Be watchful and cautious. There is a saying that
"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound or cure". This is
especially true when it comes to maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
Elderly people should always be extra cautious for disorders related
to aging such as depression, anxiety, senility, drug dependency,
immobility, etc. When the first symptoms appear, address these
before these get worse. Seek medical help so the doctor can
prescribe the proper medication.
4. Nothing beats
preparation. Roger Darlington states, "It is never too young to
start planning our retirement. Regularly increase your mortgage
repayments and pension contributions - this is a sensible use of the
money you don't need for current expenditure and it will increase
your longer-term and comfortable lifestyle
options."
Indeed,
the situations enumerated above are regrettable. Should these
provide us the perfect excuse to wallow in unhappiness? When
confronted with such situations, keep in mind that we can still make
the best of our circumstances. Robert Louis Stevenson said, "No one
has everything, and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled
with gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh
the tears."
When all else fails, let us remember that
we still have a Universal Force/God whom we can ask for help. He is
a great comfort in times of crisis, a source of strength and inner
peace. Without peace, there can be no happiness.
Third key to
happiness: Attitude, attitude, attitude! How we react and deal with
life's challenges spell the difference between happiness and misery.
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