|
For example, how can a sick person be
happy when he is in pain? How can a mother and a father be happy
when they do not have enough income to provide for their children's
needs? How can one be happy when he does not even have a shelter
over his head? There are many causes of unhappiness an d each of them must be
addressed.
Besides having poor health and
insufficient income, other causes of unhappiness
include:
Burnout and Lack of
Productive Work
The keyword is "productive" for it
gives a sense of fulfillment. The lack of it leads to a feeling of
emptiness and lack of purpose in life.
Getting
physically and mentally active may help overcome unhappiness. Get
involved with something worthwhile, something that will give a sense
of fulfillment or achievement.
The Fear of
Rejection
It hurts when people reject us. It leaves
a feeling of sadness and lowers our self-esteem. The "X" mark
represents rejection and it can be manifested in different forms.
Some people express rejection by verbally saying that they do not
like the person or his idea. Some express skepticism or ridicule the
person presenting new ideas. Others try to form their own group and
exclude those they dislike.
Rejection is also expressed
non-verbally. Some adopt the closed and defensive stance and refuse
to listen to ideas by re-directing the flow of conversation. The
thumbs-down sign is universally understood as
rejection.
If this is the case, we should try to
associate with other people who will accept us for what we are.
Rejection should not put an end to our efforts. We should take it as
a sign to do a re-examination and try another
approach.
Living According to Other
People's Standards
 This is a very common cause of
unhappiness. Those who are too conscious of what others might say
about them usually cannot make their own decisions. They live their
lives according to other people's will and expectations. It is very
difficult to pursue happiness if all we do is please other people
instead of
ourselves.
We
should be confident about ourselves. Cast fears aside. Just bear in
mind that whatever anyone says or does mean nothing about our worth
as human beings. Robert Louis Stevenson has this to say, "Don't let
your neighbor set your standards. Be yourself." We feel joy when our
self-worth rests quietly within us, not on the lips of others.
The Fear of
Failure
Failure to achieve important goals in life
can lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration. We should set
realistic and doable goals in life. These goals should be meaningful
to us; otherwise, we will only derive little happiness from
achieving it. Goals should be set for the major aspects of our
lives.
Start with a systematic plan to achieve
goals. Begin implementing them and monitor the progress. As we see
ourselves realizing our goals, we will find our happiness
increasing.
If life is not the way we like it, let it not be
a reason for us to be unhappy. Edward de Bono has this to say,
"Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents
and expectations." Too many expectations can really cause
unhappiness; therefore, we should try to live a simple life - with
simple wants and simple needs. More importantly, we must try to rise
above everything that pulls us down and get on with our
lives.
Sins and
Crimes
Nobody is perfect. All of us commit mistakes.
Some people may have unknowingly committed mistakes. However, a few
people consciously live their lives in sins and immorality. These
people have not fully realized the serious consequences of doing
sins.
Sins and crimes are cause of unhappiness. Crime
does not pay. Criminals get caught and eventually, justice catches
up with them. Violence begets violence. Truly, it is difficult to
find a bright future behind bars or six feet below the ground. For
some who manage to get away with their crimes, guilt  will most likely haunt their conscience and can
cause them to feel miserable for the rest of their lives.
Alcohol
and Drugs
Some people think that happiness can
be attained through alcohol or drugs. Consequently, they resort to
these substances thinking they can escape from the troubles and
worries of life. They are dead wrong! It is like escaping from small
fire to hell.
Alcohol is a mood-altering substance and
is a depressant. In fact, some doctors prescribe moderate amounts of
alcohol as tranquilizer or sedative. A drink or two can actually
improve health and help a person to relax. However, greater
quantities can be fatal. Alcohol abuse ruins both the mind and the
body. Anyone who drinks too much is risking the hazards of accident
caused by loss of coordination, high blood pressure, heart disease,
stroke, liver disease and related disorders.
On the
other hand, drugs play a role in destroying the mental health of the
user. Today, we witness many examples of various forms of social
disintegration and chaos due to the worldwide surge of drug
addiction. Many of the suicide and homicide cases are related to
drug abuse.
Destructive
Criticisms
These are useless acts and seldom
accomplish any positive results. If we have to give feedback, we
must make sure it is constructive and useful. Criticism is one of
the greatest causes of limitations in our lives.
We should
learn to be tolerant of the behavior of others even if it does not
fit the pattern of our opinions. Learn to savor the differences
between people. Imagine how dull the world would be if we all
thought, spoke, and acted the same way!
If we are on
the receiving end of destructive criticisms, it is normal to feel
upset but we should evaluate the purpose or motive of the person who
expressed his thoughts. If we are upset with people who do not have
anything good to say about us, we might as well avoid them. Let us
try to associate with people that naturally please us. More
importantly, always keep in mind that we cannot please everybody;
hence, we should not let destructive criticisms be a cause of worry
and sleepless nights.
Seventh key to happiness:
Learn to avoid or overcome factors that contribute to
unhappiness.
| 
